haha oh god Nietzsche is such an ass.

my essay is descending into direct criticism of how much he contradicts himself and is a sexist ass.
really don't care at this point, if its 3000 words and my ranting makes coherent sense amongst my feminist anger im sure it'll warrant a pass grade.
*laughs* can you tell i'm glad this semester is over?

ack fuck this essay. I'm becoming less of a fan of Nietzsche the longer this course has gone on. He has an amazing style of writing that's really engaging and at times entertaining even. Something that other philosophical text absolutely lack for the most part. But damn, he's so convoluted and never ever clear about whether an idea is his opinion or someone elses and he's trying to subtly critcise it.
frakking essay is giving me a headache.
Regardless of my marks for the last couple of years, i really really doubt i'll end up doing honors for my degree... i just couldn't stand working on the same text or analysis of a text for months on end, a week of this is enough to make me crazy.

3000 words on the metaphor of truth as a woman... at least 700 of which will be me explaining why despite his impressive writing style he's still a sexist pig.

its not helping that when i google commentaries on his work one of the ones that keeps coming back in the top 5 results is my lecturer's long work on EXACTLY the topic my essay is on. man im gonna get awful marks for this.

Current Mood: frustrated
I hear: Tool - Eulogy

limbo.
three things on wednesday.
1. I'll hand in my last essay for the year and officially starting my summer holidays - 3000 word paper on Nietzsche's perspectivism and views on the similarities between Woman and Truth. picking his most sexist comments on the nature of women and somehow justifying him writing that way as a commentary on views of truth... interesting haha *head explodes*
2. I'll wake up to the roll in of election results from the us (which will probably decide if i'll be moving there in the next few years)
3. my fiancee will come back from government imposed exile in new zealand (since yesterday) and find out if Australia wants to let him back in or if they want me to hulk smash them, then we continue on this hellish rollercoaster that is australian immigration.

just holding my breath, biding my time and trying not to explode in panic.

Well. On one hand i've had an amazing day. and on the other i'm lonely and frustrated at the person i love.
i sold my childhood home this evening. That's HUGE. Its going to take quite some time to sink in.
on the other hand.... i think i'm losing hope in my boyfriend moving here, and us being together. I'm going to focus on the good and remind myself that i'm not a bad person for doing so.
godamnit world, treat him right for a while please... i need it. i need him here and you know it.

i'm drunk on expensive champagne and beer and bourbon. and damnit i NEED someone here to share this with other than my friends.
fuck.


and also
/dances and bounces around the room.
woe.

conflicted feelings.
i cannot stop listening to Jimmy Eat World - kill and polaris. ho hum, i wonder why... stupid lyrics

Current Location: home, where else?
Current Mood: cranky

WHEEEE
New computer arrived this morning by courier :D
Its so shiny, vista is still confusing me somewhat.. i'd gotten so used to the way XP works. Itll take some time but i quite like it so far.
Specs (because ewan was asking last night)

Intel Core2 Quad Q6600 2.4Ghz Processor
Corsair 2gb DDR2 RAM
Gainward nVidia 8800GTS 320mb Video Card
250gb Samsung SATA HDD
Gigabyte GA-P35-DS3P 1333FSB Motherboard
Antec Sonata III Case (damn quiet, and shiny piano black)
Logitech X-530 6.1 Speakers
Bluegear B-Enspirer sound card (because i don't trust Creative products as far as i can kick them now)
Vista Home Premium

all in all, i'm damn happy with it. Amazing service and speed of order -> delivery time. I bought it from www.auspcmarket.com.au just for reference :)

YAYYY. God this is so nice coming from my computer thats been crashing for two months, with 4 year old hardware in it. Everything just works. without taking a billion years to run a program or alt-tab out of a game.
/happydance

I hear: elliott smith - new monkey

things of the last week: (because if i went into detail i would be typing for the next two hours)
- i met pat and jason my oldest friends from world of warcraft, had amazing coffee and amazing beer and saw grindhouse
- i bought an evil monkey from family guy beanie
- a new jacket which has saved me from freezing the past two days
- SNOW
- OMG ITS SNOWING FER REEL AND SRS
- (no ive never seen snow before in my life)
- its godamn freezing cold
- went to my first kegger ever saturday night at Sean, Will and Kevin's house in Philly
- watched many games of beer pong
- ate hotdogs and smoked cigars at 10am sunday morning with kevin
- red bull cans hidden all over their house = hilarity ("wtf how did that can get up in the rafters?")
- 3 days in Washington DC
- the Thomas Jefferson memorial is one of the coolest things ive ever seen
- traffic
- beautiful mountains and farmlands around the small towns in Maryland and Virginia
- never ending love for my boyfriend
- yep, still not sick of each other :p
- the haunted woods of gettysburg and ALABAMIANS! statue for the civil war soldiers
- new bright eyes, modest mouse and nine inch nails albums... and the cd player part of our car stereo is fucked WOE

New York tomorrow, Niagara Falls in a few days then Chicago -> Portland via South Dakota and Yellowstone National Park.
Bright Eyes tickets for 2nd of May in Portland... WHEEEE

over and out
p.s this post was brought to you by SNOW EXCITEMENT and too much sugar in the form of frostie flakes for breakfast.

Current Location: Bristol, Philadelphia
Current Mood: chipper

So, i realise i've been away from home for three weeks now and i haven't really told most of you how things are going over here in the states.
Barry and I get along better than i think we'd both hoped, our relationship has made a mind-bogglingly smooth transition from online to real life. I keep forgetting that the past year of only talking to him in teamspeak/ventrilo, warcraft and msn actually happened, it feels like we've been physically together for a lot longer than we have.
New Orleans was great fun, i only wish we could have stayed a bit longer. It was damn cold there but we still went out and went to a few bars and went out for dinner and a couple of walks around the city. He took me to the zoo the day we were leaving which was fun, showing him birds in the Australasian avery that we get in our yard back home made me realise i really did come 9500 miles from the other side of the world to be here.
We've been hanging around his house in Mobile, AL for about two weeks now, i'm getting a bit bored here to be honest, i adore his company and we talk for hours and watch movies and thats fun, but well... its not my house so i'm not terribly comfortable here and i'm itching to start that travelling business that i'd prepared myself so well for. Most of what's holding us up leaving is just logistics. His brother is a bit of an asshole (which i already knew) and won't help us in any way with leaving. The plan at the moment is for us to buy a van or a big car and drive probably from here to Atlanta, GA then to Colombia, SC then to Raleigh, NC then Richmond VA, Washington DC and then up to Philly and New York. I think we'll end up spending a week or two between philadelphia and new york. We have a couple of friends that have offered us a place to stay for a few days in New York and lots of people we both know in Philly that we're looking forward to meeting.
Barry's looking after me really well and i think he's just as amazed as i am that this all ended up working out better than either of us imagined. All those nerves i had in sydney turned out to be unecessary :p. I truly don't feel like i'm the same person i was when i left home and i doubt ill feel the same way when i return. Love's a great thing innit? :D

Hope you're all keeping well
xo
Robs

Tags: travel
Current Mood: happy

here goes nothing world.

and i've got a lack of information
but i got a little revelation
and i'm climbing up on the railing
trying not to look down
i'm going to do my best swan dive
in the shark-infested waters
i'm gonna pull out my tampon
and start splashing around

'cuz i don't care if they eat me alive
i've got better thing to do than survive
i've got a memory of your warm skin in my hand
and i've got a vision of blue sky and dry land


my flight bound for the arms of my boyfriend leaves in 4 hours... 3 months later i come home.
Am i scared? Yes. Am i excited? Much more so.
I ain't got nothing to lose, see you all on the flipside.

Current Mood: ohgodohgodohgod

holy crap. I'm getting on a plane in two weeks. This is really happening isnt it.

holy crap i'm scared.

Current Mood: nervous

So this is the new year. 2007 is starting on a very good note. On the 30th of December I bought a plane ticket to New Orleans :D. Finally meeting up with my boyfriend of over a year.
So far we're planning to travel around for a while up the east coast and probably head west from Boston to Chicago and the great lakes area. Not too sure where we'll go from there, but i know I'm going to Seattle and Portland and San Francisco at some point.
I'll be in the US from the 14th of February (two days after my 21st birthday) until the 8th of May.

So. Who wants a mischievous Aussie knocking on their door in that space of time? hmmm?
Suggest me places to go that are off the beaten track, I'm already planning to take in the big cities and quite a lot of National Parks... what I need from some locals is good places to stay, good places to eat... stuff that I can't get from a book :)

Tags: optimism, travel
Current Mood: optimistic
I hear: Death Cab For Cutie - 405

( end of year meme )

Current Mood: happy
I hear: +44 - Little Death

Having about 8 of my sisters friends over for dinner tonight. Menu looks amazing, really can't wait to eat it all :D We had a lot of fun on Thursday night shopping for all the ingredients and tasty things for the holidays. This is basically our Christmas celebrations, but without the Christmas part. Just the part that includes good company, good drinks and good food (which really is what its all about) We're having baked eggplant pieces, marinated lamb kebabs (marinated with onion, garlic, lemon juice and oregano), fried haloumi cheese, a Lebanese fatoush salad (which is spring onion, capsicum, cucumber, mint, parsley, fried lebanese flat bread pieces and lemon/oil dressing), a rice salad, home made hummus + guacamole, and a delicious stone fruit salad with ice-cream for dessert and of course lots of good wine/beer/champagne/gin + tonics. Should be fabulous.

In the midst of all the cooking preparations for dinner tonight I've been packing up crockery, silverware, ornaments, crystal bowls and wooden art pieces to sell at auction next week. Those are all my parents' or grandparents' things that have been in my house on display my whole life.
Theres a strong sense of accomplishment that goes with dealing with the estate of my parents. It also feels like I'm destroying my childhood home and that wound hurts deep. I've kind of been on the verge of tears all day dealing with so many mixed emotions.
Dinner tonight is very reminiscent of Christmas eve at my place as a child. Except that my Mum was the one doing the cooking, my dad would be outside at the BBQ drinking beer and me and my sister would be sitting hidden behind the Christmas tree because we loved the smell of it.
Fresh fruit, the smell of real xmas trees and cooking food smells... those are what tell me its the holiday season. Theres this stabby empty feeling in my chest and has been for the past week or two. I don't think its going to pass until a week or so into January.
I don't hate the holidays... i just hate that its so hard and i end up being upset for all of December because the past 5 or 6 years have just been stressful and upsetting. I know it will get easier, but this will not be my favourite time of year for a very long time.

over and out, i'm going to go start drinking.

I hear: Brand New - Play Crack The Sky

From kasdan
a list of the 50 most significant science fiction/fantasy novels, 1953-2002, according to the Science Fiction Book Club. Bold the ones you've read, strike-out the ones you hated, italicize those you started but never finished and put an asterisk beside the ones you loved.
( 50 most significant science fiction/fantasy novels )

Tags: books scifi lists
Current Mood: happy
I hear: Ben Folds Five - Zak And Sara

my mum would have been 60 today.
happy birthday... i miss you more than words can say.

xo

Current Mood: sad
I hear: elliott smith - last call

BWAAAHAHAHA

The Ballad of Jensen and Jared

that girl is made of win... that totally just made my day.

Current Mood: amused

There are now more than 100 million web sites on the Internet, according to Netcraft, whose monthly web server survey has reached 101.4 million sites. From the article: 'The 100 million site milestone caps an extraordinary year in which the Internet has already added 27.4 million sites, easily topping the previous full-year growth record of 17 million from 2005. The Internet has doubled in size since May 2004, when the survey hit 50 million.'"
This is a far cry from the August 1995 results that just cleared 18,000.

It both amuses and amazes me that I've actually been on the internet since about 1995. When I was 9. Thanks dad :p
I remember BBS boards, and using telnet to download games through a text based dos program, when yahoo was the biggest and best search engine (although you still needed to search with about three others to know that you might have gotten more than 3 sites relevant to your search), "personal homepages" instead of blogs (and yes, i designed a couple when i was a kid), when you could get any name you wanted on hotmail without having to add three numbers to the end, when browsers didn't have bookmark functions and i had an html page of my favourite links just saved to my desktop.... the list goes on.

in other news, I'm sunburnt and hungover. The first is thanks to the damn bluebottles at bondi beach yesterday, which im hella allergic to and thus lay on the beach in the sun while katie and joe swam. The second is thanks to the bartender at Strike last night who made us very strong mexican cocktails (lime and lemon juice, cuervo tequila, frangelico and lemonade), then when i asked for a suggestion of another tequila cocktail she proceeded to make us long island iced teas.... and then the bartender when asked what i should have a shot of suggested first Absinthe and then Bacardi 151. Its not my fault! All of her suggestions are guaranteed to fuck you up really damn fast. Oh yes, and thanks to her cause the damn shots were on the house since it was a quiet night *face palm*

Going to go see Less than Jake tonight at Manning Bar, could end in another hangover. Punk music and jumping around with sweaty punk boys never fails to cheer me up, I'm totally looking forward to it, they put on such a good show :D

Current Mood: amused
I hear: pixies - where is my mind?

I need my conscience to keep watch over me
To protect me from myself
So i can wear honesty like a crown on my head
When i walk into the promised land

We've been too long american dreaming
And i think we all lost the way
Forlorn somnambulistic maniacal in the dark
I'm in love with an american girl
Well, she's my best friend
I love her surreptitious smile
That hides the pain within her

And we'll go dancing in the rings of laughter
And leave alone by the shores
Feel alone in the brands of rapture
And leave alone for the loss

Faith, on the lea the rising wind blows
Faith, on the lea the rising wind blows
How long? how long?

Here alone on the grounds of allegiances we've left behind
Turned back by the foot of the doorway
Never lost and found

We've been too long american dreaming
I think we've lost the heart
Forlorn somnambulistic maniacal in the dark

Faith, on the lea the rising wind blows
Faith, on the lea the rising wind blows
How long? how long?

Current Mood: indescribable
I hear: elliott smith - coast to coast

5 things of the past couple of weeks:

I'm worried about
1. how things will be between my boyfriend and i when he gets to sydney in the next couple of months
2. uni essays/readings i need to catch up on but cant find the concentration to do
3. that i'm getting into bad habits that weren't there before
4. my sister
5. the future

I've been drinking
1. makers mark
2. coffee
3. weird concotion of iced tea, ice, tequila, peach schnapps and lime
4. oj, tequila and peach schnapps (fuzzy peach navel.. damn tasty)
5. not enough water

I've been reading
1. marvel 1602
2. Teen Titans (damn you scans daily!)
3. His Dark Materials - The Amber Spyglass
4. Livejournal f'list
5. Planetary (random comic the guy in the comic shop suggested)

I've been watching
1. veronica mars season 1
2. smallville season 5 (struggling to watch it, the kent parents are too freaking sappy)
3. supernatural (and can i add.. friends list? specifically apocalypsos and sharpest_rose i blame the two of you.. that much love, you wonder what all the fuss is about :p any other shows to recommend? haha)
4. prison break season 1
5. law and order svu and crimtent

I've been listening to
1. bright eyes - digital ash in a digital urn
2. coldplay - a rush of blood to the head
3. death cab for cutie - plans
4. jack's mannequin - everything in transit (simply because it refuses to get out of my head)
5. elliott smith - xo (avoiding waltz #2 because it doesnt fail to make me cry every damn time now)

I've been annoyed by:
1. the fact that i cannot avoid themes of termnial illness, inability to communicate, parents death, grief or long distance relationships in like EVERYTHING im watching. its still very upsetting to watch this stuff.. the first episode of house this season? ok that?... was just cruel.
2. windows media player 11. stupid thing has stuffed with my mp3 player. my computer won't recognise its even plugged in anymore, let alone let me transfer anything to it :(
3. the fact that i cannot uninstall said stupid media player program
4. random people logging into my ftp and spamming my internet connection with connection packets thus locking up both windows and my internet connection
5. when files i burn onto a dvd won't play on my player (season finals of both veronica mars and supernatural screwed up and wouldnt play when the whole rest of the season was perfect)

I've been thinking about
1. that its nice to be spending time with glory again, since our friendship dissolved for a year or so and she's been a great source of comfort and advice for me in the past its nice reconnecting with people i care about even if the circumstances for it aren't all that great.
2. that i love having a house that katie and I live in together without anyone to tell me what to do. i can cook what i want, watch what i want, drink when i want and sleep when i want.
3. that i need to get more exercise because i feel really good afterwards
4. that i am both giddily anticipating my boyfriends arrival and being scared of it.
5. trying to work out which is better... well maybe not better, but weighing up both ideas.. the situation ive faced over the past 6 or 7 years of nursing both my parents through mnd and my sister and i being on our own.. or having a shitty relationship with them and never having been half as close to my parents as i have been.

I've been browsing the net looking at
1. wikipedia entries for authors of the comics i've read recently
2. drawings of english robin birds to find a good sketch for the tattoo i'm planning
3. my new favourite site
4. photography sites through stumble
5. information about and fansites of his dark materials (looking for info about the movie that is supposedly going to get made)

well.. that was a needed purge :p lists never fail to get me typing thoughts that i have trouble arranging otherwise.

Current Mood: cheerful
I hear: nine inch nails - right where it belongs

doing pretty well today. did some productive things like:
- file a bunch of things from my Drawer of Desky Doom (which contains about three years of random oddities such as the strewn playing cards i picked up in vietnam, old movie tickets, any reciept or bill ive gotten, birthday cards, valentine's cards, letters, emails... so many tangible memories)

- sorted my parents cds into keeping (which is the classical and jazz cds) and the not-keeping (opera.)

- made lists of things in the house to clean/sort/pack/donate/throw out. My sister and I are currently trying to get our heads around changing this house from my parent's house to my house. Thats going to be a few months work.

- went shopping to look for a new couch to replace the evil leather couch that was not designed for normal people with a yay squishy couch to curl up in and watch dvds/play ps2 from. Found that 90% of the furniture out there is for family homes and not for houses of geekdom. For shame Sydney... for shame. We are a species too y'know!. and came home with ideas for couches and.... A COFFEE MACHINE.
Because you know.. i dont already drink enough coffee.

- did some grocery shopping and cooked katie and myself the first dinner i have made in my house since last sunday. the silence while cooking is bizarre

and to answer the question ive been asked countless times since thursday.. of how am i? the answer today is good, as long as im not alone for too long and im doing things that move me forward. I'm healing but im still very vulnerable and raw, it'll just take a lot of time.

over and out, conan o'brien show is on :D

yep, its times like right now that im going to love having this place to myself.
Sitting on the comfy couch (as oppposed to the evil uncomfortable couch my mum bought for herself without considering the body dimensions of the rest of the world) with the laptop reading my flist, watching rage/foxtel with my adorable cat asleep curled up next to me. i also have coffee and a grand house of never ending bagels
its 2:35am and you better believe i'm loving this. (as long as i dont keep having that other half of my brain remind me why i have this much control over my house now)

the good times and the bad.. its all meshed and such right now